An Arse To Far?!

Wanted clean or dirty, Cheeks The Bum Bandit. 'Cheeks' is wanted for numerous criminal offences including: Stealing cars, Importing asylums and Gang rape. The criminal often goes under a huge array of names consisting of mainly these three: Gareth Collicot, Sasperella Davis and Gavine Evans.

'Cheeks'' was being held in Rhoosiau county jail until the patrolling guard was called over to the Bum Bandit and was knocked unconscious by the run-away's trademark maneuver 'The Breath Of Death'. He then continued to choke approaching guards with his intoxicating gas. He is now believed to be loose in the St. Athan area. The police have had several leads unto the hiding place of 'Cheeks', but do to the increase in pollution across the South Wales area have been unable to follow the up.

The South Wales based activist group, 'Cleanies' are furious with the pollution increase. The head of the group talked to us earlier: 'I am incredibly angry at this criminal and believe he should hand himself in immediately so his terrible gas doesn't lead to a bigger problem that may concede into other areas of South Wales, if not the world.'

Local police have warned citizens in the area, not to approach the Bum Bandit unless wearing a gas mask or have an even worse smell to battle 'Cheeks' with.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of 'Cheeks The Bum Bandit' please send notification immediately to gavin.evans@ntlworld.com